10 things I learned about Spain's culture

I only have two weeks left in this wonderful country of Spain, and I truly can't even believe I've been here for over three months. It absolutely flew by, like I knew it would. I've been through a lot, both positive and negative, and have had a chance to reflect on my experience this past weekend.

Before this turns into a sappy emotionally-driven rant, I'm going to organize this blog in my favorite way ever--you guessed it--with a list!

In this list, I'm going to share things that were only easy to see because I could compare them with the culture in the U.S. So here it is.

España vs. the United States of America:

1. Time isn't that important in Spain. In the U.S. time = money, but really the only thing it does it cause us extra stress. I've never thought of myself as a punctual person because I showed up on time, but showing up on time in Spain is actually being 15 minutes early. Think about how much easier life would be if it had a little bit of flexibility?

2. But, health IS. People here don't eat comida basura (junk food) nearly as much, and it makes a huge difference. There are markets with fresh everything: meat, fish, dairy, fruits and veggies. The food seemed bland to me at first, only because I was accustomed to eating food loaded with sugar and salt. Funny how in the U.S. we stress about time so much, but we don't realize that unhealthy food is cutting loads of it off of our life.

3. People enjoy knowing about their culture here. I've never met so many people (around my age, even) who knew where every museum in the city was, or the historical significance of *enter street name/building/person here.* While Americans do have a sense of pride, it's not the same as the patrimonio that exists within the culture of Spain.

4. Partying has no time limit. What is this word "time" you keep speaking of again? Bars sort of decide to close when they feel like it, usually around 3 a.m., but then you can just head down to the puerto and keep going until 8 in the morning. I don't know how they do it. It would be locura in the U.S. I guess we'll see how this whole 4 a.m. scene works out for Detroit...

5. It's unusual to hear about theft or murder (at least in Alicante). Yes, it happens, but way less. Maybe it's just because I live so close to a murder capital in Michigan, but I'm a little more used to hearing about horrifying things on the news. Maybe it's just me, but I would never walk around Detroit at night alone, but here, I haven't once felt unsafe doing so.

6. People are more liberal. It's not unusual to see a couple making out and groping each other on the public transportation. Swearing is also for the everyday folk. The words coño and joder get thrown around like any normal, non-offensive word. Girls wear provocative clothing and high heels absolutely everywhere. Women go topless on the beach because boobs are not sexualized. Thse are just a few examples of the liberal culture here.

7. Everyone smokes. Okay, not everyone, but according to this study, 27% of females and 36% of males smoke in Spain compared to 18% (total) in the U.S. It seems like everyone, though, seriously.

8. College is cheap and affordable. Just from my personal experience of chatting with a few friends here, I've learned that an entire year of college only costs around $1,500. That's equivalent to about a month's worth of income. Therefore, we pay nearly 12 times as much in the U.S. for our education. Such ridiculousness, if you ask me.

9. The culture is very family-oriented. While Americans pride themselves in being individuals, Spanish people are very proud of having close-knit families. My host mom sees her sons and grandchildren every week. Not to mention, there is no pressure to move out of your parents' house here. You could live with them until you're 40 and that's fine. In the U.S., if you haven't moved out already, you better at least be trying to fend for yourself at age 18.

10. American culture is everywhere. Even though it seems like Spain has us beat in a lot of categories, hey at least we have worldly influence of our awesome music, movies, and TV shows. Spaniards love Breaking Bad and Justin Bieber just as much as we do! Wait.... You get the point.

As a friend mentioned to me today, you really only notice things about your own culture once you have the ability to compare them to another, which is precisely what I feel like I've been doing since I got here. These are just a few examples of the obvious culture differences I've noticed, and I can only imagine how much broader my thinking will be upon my return to the U.S. in just 15 more days! Hopefully I'll have the chance to travel again in the future, and I'll never forget this as being my first experience to expand my horizons.

Happy Holidays!

Week 11: Overcoming and accepting my host situation

So, here I am: sitting in the same bed, typing on the same computer, in the same room as the first day I got here… 11 weeks ago. But somehow, I feel way different.

Succeeding the theme of my last blog, where I explained the stages of culture shock, I can honestly say this hasn’t exactly been a “4 month vacation” for me, rather I’ve been constantly learning, struggling, overcoming and changing as a person.

Sure, Spain has been great. I love the weather, the culture, the myriad of things to do, the lifestyle and even the food isn’t too bad. On the other hand, I’ve been going through stress that is completely unnecessary from my host situation, that I’ve finally overcome.

There are many things culturally different here which weren’t as obvious when I first arrived. For example, the family. It’s not abnormal for children to live with their parents until they’re in their thirties. It’s totally acceptable and part of the culture, which leads to why I believe I’ve been butting heads with my host mom for a while.

It took me awhile to see that while living with families in Spain, they’re just treating you the same way they would treat their own children. Especially for an older host mom like mine, she’s very traditional in her ways. She cooks and cleans which is great, but likes to dictate things in my life and give me her two cents about everything, which is probably exactly how she treated her children when they lived here.

I shrugged things off for as long as I could until I finally broke down and got teary-eyed to my director. It made me realize why this was happening to hear it explained from another Spaniard. Not to mention the support of Damaris and Katie that day—I sincerely thank you!

Damaris also pointed out that the meaning of being a woman and "independence" has a different meaning here than in the U.S. My host mom loves to cook, I don't. She doesn't drink, I do. She doesn't like that I go out sometimes at night, I say oh well. She calls me unorganized, but I know no one's perfect and I believe I'm quite organized. Maybe she's judging my "womanliness" by these factors. Do I care anymore, though? No. 

I have been taking their advice into consideration and it's changed the way I've reacted and felt, such as “why do you care what she thinks?” “you don’t have to like your host mom—think of it as a bad roommate situation at school” and finally, “you don’t have to do everything she tells you—just say no gracias. Estoy bien. No hace falta” (no thank you. I am fine. Don’t worry about it).

I won’t go into every detail about why I've been extraordinarily stressed about my host family, but I will lend some advice to those of you who plan to study abroad in the future: every host situation is different. Maybe you expect a motherly figure to tell you what you should do, or if you’re like me, that absolutely gets on your nerves. Maybe your personality fits perfectly with your host family, or maybe you’re so completely different that you can’t even fathom knowing these people if you weren't forced into this situation to begin with. Just do your best to understand the situation without letting it get to you, like I did.  

Finally, I realize now that I was completely misunderstanding the final stage of culture shock (acceptance). I thought I accepted the culture all along, until I realized it was the exact entity that was the root of my stress.

What I learned about my situation is that you and only you have the power to control your own happiness. If you focus your attention on the things that aren't making you happy like I was, you'll lose focus of what's important. 

To wrap up this blog, I'd like to conclude with a quote that is quite fitting: 

“It isn’t what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about.”
-Dale Carnegie

Exploring the beautiful new places is a reminder of what makes me happy in Spain. This is a picture of the bridge connecting the shopping center in Barcelona. 

Stages of "culture shock"

Before I came to Spain, I told myself: "I'm adventurous. I'm confident. I like traveling. I like meeting new people. I love to learn about culture." On top of that, I also told myself: "I won't get culture shock. That's ridiculous and won't happen to me."

Then, before I could even realize why I was experiencing emotional mood swings like a pregnant woman deprived of chocolate, I thought back about that little thing we learned about in orientation: culture shock.

It's not anything like I thought it would be, and it's not nearly as bad as they make it out to be. It's kind of hard to explain, but this article on Matador Network does a great job at detailing each stage.

Depending on the source, the stages may vary a bit, but generally they are: wonder, frustration, depression and acceptance. 

I'd like to think there aren't really "concrete" stages that just abruptly end as the next one starts, rather a mixture of all four of these stages appearing and disappearing throughout the entire length of your stay.

I'm still experiencing wonder every single day. I don't know if I'd ever get bored with the incredible and new things I've seen here. There's just too much to do and see.

As for frustration, I've experienced that a few times, and sometimes without even knowing why. Sometimes I would wake up frustrated for no reason at all. Other times, I felt frustrated solely because I didn't understand the entirety of a situation. Language barriers don't help. Finally, living with a host mom can be great at times, and extremely frustrating at others. (Keep any eye out for my personal blog on why). Maybe it's just a culture thing.

Overall, I'd say I'm way more happy than I am depressed, but I've had a few bouts of distress due to the difficulty of making new friends. I'm a bit more shy when it comes to meeting new people if I have to speak in Spanish. Sure, I've met some awesome people here, but it's taken nearly two months to actually find regular people to hang out with. Not to mention, I miss my ladies back home. So, while I haven't shed a tear since I've been here--I'm not a big crier--I've had some moments where I just decided to stay in bed and pout.

Acceptance. The final stage. Not going to lie, the culture here isn't so much different from ours that I couldn't stand it, it's almost that the things that are different here are just so much better. I haven't really had a big problem accepting the culture. Boom, that stage is easy.

So in conclusion, I've experienced some of the emotional distress while studying abroad, but I'd never let this keep me from recommending it or even traveling more in the future. Depending on the person, culture shock can be like falling into a giant sinkhole of grief you can never climb out of, or it can just be tiny little bumps in the road. It all depends on your perspective!